just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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