I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
