Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
