just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The uberlube is also flammable
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
