i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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