Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
