You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
