you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
