I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
