Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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