Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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