who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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