i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
