Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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