Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
