Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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