Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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