somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
