Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
