I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
