Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
