So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
