I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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