I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
