Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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