im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
