i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
