i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
