Betty ford says i'm here all night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
