I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
