I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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