Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i think my cat just said my name.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
