i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
