It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
