dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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