i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
