he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
