never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
