"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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