my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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