how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
