I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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