I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
