wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
