I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My vagina just recognized that song.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
