things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
