I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
