haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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