New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
