what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
