dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
